i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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