Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
