oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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