dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
