he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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