ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
