Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
