My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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