I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
