Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
