The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
