He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
