he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize