I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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