I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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