Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
