I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
