Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
