she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
