good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
