there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drake has all the answers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
