I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
