so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
