i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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