fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
