I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
