My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
