Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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