Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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