your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
