I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
