Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
zippers are such a cool invention
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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