I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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