I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
