One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
