I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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