New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
PANTIES FOUND
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