i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
