Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
