Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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