Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
