what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
