tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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