It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
