I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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