dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
