Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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