everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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