that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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