TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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