loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
