Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
